The day our lives changed. The day we became a family. The day my son came home.
Its been a year that Haydens been home and time has flown, gone is the little baby who could not keep his head up. Gone is the baby who needed me for everything. Today we are parents to a toddler. A toddler who wants to explore, who doesn’t always want to cuddle when I do (my heart breaks just a little when he pushes me away to go exploring). Hes confident and has such an awesome personality.
Who would of thought, the old people were right for all those years…time goes by so fast. I can barely remember how tiny he was when we fetched him. I do remember the butterflies and excitement I felt, you know, that feeling like all the blood is rushing to your head. I remember how I instantly fell in love, we both did on that day. It’s a day well celebrate for the rest of our lives 2nd of April is family day, our little public holiday.
Iv heard a few stories about trance-racial adoption lately and it seems a lot of people are still apprehensive about it. I have heard of people on waiting lists for 2 years waiting for a white baby when there are hundreds of black babies needing to be loved. I know that the general mind set is that they would like the baby to fit into their family and not feel different. My opinion is, if you raise your child to be comfortable in his own skin and if you make them feel confident in their home, they will be able to take on the world.
We almost decided on not adopting an African baby due to other peoples opinions. We were told that there might be a negative impact on the childs life, being a different colour to us and not having somebody to identify with when the questions start. We were told that later in life he might be rejected by traditional Xhosa people because he was raised in an English white home and is out of touch with his roots. Also we knew we could not do his Xhosa heritage justice, me and my husband don’t even keep up with our own heritages. It was a tough decision to make and we figured who are we to potentially be the cause of a childs identity crisis one day.
The decision didn’t feel right so we never excluded African babies and look at what a blessing we have at home today. The truth is, he is our child, our traditions are his traditions, We will make sure he knows he is a Xhosa boy and we will make sure he learns his Xhosa language, but other than that we will raise him the way we would a child I gave birth to, why would I want to raise him any differently. When he is older and he has questions about his heritage we can explore and learn together as a family.
I know that it might not always be easy. In life there will be that 1 person who is blunt and rude without thinking and that my son could be a target considering he is a brown boy being raised by white parents, but at least he will know for sure that he wasn’t an accident, we didn’t want him to look like us, we chose him purely to love him and he will always know that he can come home to old mom and dad to have a good laugh about the ignorance of people after which I will ask for details and break those peoples legs. JOKING.
Everyone has their secret to parenting, ours is a humour, you have to have a sense of humour in life to get by and I pray that my kid will take that from us and carry it through his whole life. Hopefully one day Hayden will look back and be proud of his white and black roots because he has them both now, he will hopefully be proud that he was raised in a family where nobody is related by blood but love each other more than anything in this world.