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Its a boys world

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Hello beautiful people. Merry Christmas and happy new year!!!!  Its been a while since my last post, to be honest, I have been super lazy the past couple of months. I am 32 weeks pregnant at the moment so life has been a bit chaotic and a lot of my downtime these days go towards naps. 

Yeah, can you believe 32 weeks pregnant, oh and its a boy!!  I Guess I will be a mom of boys until I win the lotto and adopt a baby girl (holds thumbs)

We are super excited for the newest addition to our family.  Little H has a list of things he will be teaching his baby bro and insists that he will be changing nappies (we shall see about that) The pregnancy has been an quite an experience and I am glad that I am able to actually put my money where my mouth is when I talk about my preference between adopting and getting pregnant and yes I am still team adoption all the way.  Do not get me wrong, I love my little bun in the oven and because of my love for him, I would not change this pregnancy for anything in the world but this 9 month process is totally not for me.

There is no emotional difference whatsoever,  I have that exact same anxious/nervous/excited feeling to meet baby T as I did his brother 5 years ago. I am actually amazed at how those feelings came right back. There is however a physical difference which is catching up to me fast.  I mean, besides the pregnancy itself, this kid needs to come out and there are only two ways of that happening!!     

I have had the insensitive comment here and there, nothing coming from a bad person, but rather a person who is not thinking  before they talk. I have had “at least you can now experience having a child of your own” and “its good to see you in a different light as a mother”. Considering I have been a mother for 5 years to my own child, those really are pointless comments to make.   People have also come to me saying “what a miracle” as if I am the virgin Mary.  I often feel like saying something to the effect of “It really is not a miracle,  unprotected sex  very often leads to pregnancy, look it up”.  Sorry for the slight rant there, I blame pregnancy hormones.

Before we got pregnant, we had a big issue about “growing a child” and as everybody knows, we decided against it completely.  One of the reasons was our precious little H and how it would affect him being an adopted child and having to deal with a biological child coming along.  I think we underestimated things a bit.  The lines of communication are constantly open and this has been the case since before he could speak.   He knows that he wanted to play hide and seek and make us look everywhere for him (he finds this very funny by the way) where baby brother was a bit lazy so decided to just grow in my tummy.  The other day he asked if the baby will be brown like him…and after that conversation he now knows that  babies end up being the same colour as the tummy they grew in.  The advice from our social worker not to push or explain further than the question he asked has really come in handy.

Anyway, I look forward to posting a pic or two of my beautiful boys next month and how big brother is coping with a new little one around.  For now, I will be taking it easy and enjoying the peace and quiet before the chaos begins.

 

 

Curveball

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So, life has a sense of humour it seems…after adopting our son,  we could not imagine that having a biological child would feel any different as we could not love our child any more than we do, it just wasn’t humanly possible. Our method of having kids became adoption. We were very chuffed that I could skip the weight gain, the morning sickness and then of course the actual birth. Yay us “we beat the system”.

We found out a month ago that I am in fact pregnant!

It was a shocker at first considering we found out 2 days before we were to attend our final panel meeting which would qualify us for the adoption of our second child.  Then came the sadness and I know I will be judged by some people for saying this but it is something we really felt. Both my husband and I felt a loss of sorts, our future with that beautiful brown-skinned little girl we imagined and planned for just ended and we were sad for that loss. I had to call the adoption agency and cancel the adoption which was also a rather unpleasant thing to do even though they were very happy for us.  Thankfully there was no baby for us yet, so there was no rejection. Well to be honest if there were a baby for us, we simply would have had 3 kids in Feb.

I am happy to report that I am 10 weeks pregnant today and we are very excited for our new arrival in Feb next year. I put a lot of thought into whether I should add my pregnancy to my adoption blog but decided that to as this impacts our family which will now be composed of adopted as well as biological kids.  My son is extremely excited for his brother or sister and I am so grateful that we had unintentionally provided him with the tools to handle this since he was a baby. He is well aware that not all babies grow in their moms tummies, sometimes their moms and dads have to go and find them because the baby decides to grow in another aunties tummy instead.  He is truly going to be the best big brother and I cannot wait until they meet.

So that’s our news for now, at the moment I am fighting a bit of morning sickness and all kinds of aches and pains that go along with pregnancy.  At least in 6 months time I can say  I have done both.  It has given me an opportunity to be in a birth mothers shoes for a bit,  to carry a baby and letting your body go through this process just to give the baby up for a better life. It would definitely be easier for them to have an abortion but they don’t, they stick it out for the life growing in them, and if that is not an act of love, then I don’t know because even though I’m only 10 weeks, pregnancy is hard. New level of respect for birth moms.

Adoption remains my choice of creating my family but ill admit this is pretty amazing too and we look forward to raising our two amazing kids 🙂 Thinking back on when we were trying to fall pregnant in our twenties, even though we were in perfect health to conceive, it just was not happening, I feel that this is just because my son was meant to be part of our family from day one. Things just happened the way they were supposed to 🙂

 

 

 

It has begun

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Adoption part 2 has officially started. We had our consultation on the 11 March with the same lovely social worker we initially went through which was awesome. A 1 hour consultation turned into a 2.5 hour chat and it was as powerful as it was the first time round.  We walked out of there satisfied knowing we are on the right road.

Paperwork! So much paperwork it deserves an exclamation mark after I said it. It really took us 3 weeks to complete. I had actually forgotten all the writing involved.  They received our paperwork on Friday 15th April which was a week after we sent it. The references have gone out and hopefully they will all say good things J. Today we were contacted to come in for our assessment next week.  After the assessment there will be a home visit followed by a group session, followed by a panel meeting and then  pregnant with adoption time. We are very excited, except for the group session, we are not particularly excited to do group participation excercises but…….worth it.

So far everybody in our lives are on board 100% but even after 4 years I can tell there is still that one question lurking under the surface

YES we can have kids, If we were suffering from fertility issues, trust me, it would be a huge part of my blog and our journey to adoption.  It makes me feel awkward when I can see how weird some people become when talking about pregnancy. By adopting, I can drink whenever I feel like without harming the baby AND I don’t pick up the baby weight. Only joking, I am all for pregnancy, its beautiful but our path has taken a different turn and adoption feels most natural to us now so stop feeling sorry for us friends and family, it really is all good.

Picture perfect

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Heres a picture of our family through my sons eyes 🙂 his dad on the left, me in the middle and him on the right, according to him, the green person is his sister 😉

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I do wonder why he drew me with such a big head though maybe its my larger than life personality 😉 (jokes)

The Big Decision: Part 2

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The day is finally here, the day I can announce(drum roll) that we plan on adding a new addition to our family via adoption.  Yes,  we are adopting a gorgeous cute smooshie face once again. I know I previously said its unlikely but…. toothless mouthies, first words, first steps, cuddles, baby smell, how can we possibly be done after just one 🙂 so not done with babies just yet.  I actually even miss the million bottle feeds, the burping, the baby bath time and  especially the crying for mommy to get some cuddles.  Yeah I know, I am being sentimental,  but my 4 year old mainly calls for mommy when he wants a snack or juice these days, I am struggling to get used to the independence of little H.

We are going for our first consultation meeting on 11 March and so far it does seem that quite a bit has changed.  Firstly and most importantly, it makes no difference if you have adopted before.  I was actually suprised by this,  I thought it would be as easy as going in and stating you would like to adopt another child handing in your payslips, home visit and boom, baby time. Nope apparently circumstance can change so we shall be treated  as first time adoptive parents.

The process has changed a bit compared  to 4 years ago. We no longer need to go for police clearance as they do all background checks in house, so yay no black stained fingers this time round and it also cuts down the 3 week wait for the police clearance certificate.

There is no psychiatrist visit necessary which is awesome but it has been replaced with 2 extra meetings including individual meetings with each of us in order to see that we are on the same page as far as parenting goes. So a few more 40 minute drives to Wellington but no additional steps outside of the agency (yay)

The price has gone up too and although I know it is necessary to charge, I cant help but wish it would be less. There are no discounts for the second time round either.  We were given an estimated amount of between R30 000 – R35 000 for the entire process.  There are cheaper agencies do not get me wrong, we were quoted about R12000 at a different agency however because adoption is so personal and slightly stressful, we decided to go with who we knew considering the agency made the process feel like a walk in the park last time.

My son will play a big part in this adoption without even knowing it.  We have been told with a second adoption, he is taken into account when the social workers decide on placement.  I am assuming that because my son is Xhosa, they will likely place us with a Xhosa child, but I wont speculate, I will be able to confirm after the meeting.

Speaking of our son, hes doing just great. Clever, handsome, kind , perfect. I am constantly thinking how lucky I am to have him as my son, such a beautiful soul.  Oh please do not get me wrong,  he has a Jeckyl and Hyde thing going on now and then and boy when Hyde comes out… lets just say that its not pretty :/

He of course is thrilled at the idea of a sibling as he has been asking us for about a year now and has decided he will be getting a brother named, Spike.  Yep, his name of choice is Spike.  His reason for wanting a brother is so that he can have double bunks and so that they can play rough, that is the requirement for a sibling for H in his opinion.

We are not sure yet if we will specify girl or boy, a very big part of us would love  to adopt a daughter, but then we think of brothers and how awesome it would be for H to have a brother to grow up with. Also by choosing, we immediately cut off a chance for a kid to be placed with us so, perhaps we should leave it open and let fate decide.

Watch this space……

Light of our lives

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Look how big my special little guy has gotten.

I didn’t give you the gift of life,
But in my heart I know.
The love I feel is deep and real,
As if it had been so.

For us to have each other
Is like a dream come true!
No, I didn’t give you
The gift of life,
Life gave me the gift of you.

— Unknown


  

 

My special boy turns 3!!

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Guess whos birthday it is this week! That’s right our angel will be 3 in a few days, I can barely believe it as it feels like just yesterday he came into our lives as a tiny toothless little baby who could just about support his own neck.   Time is just going too fast, I wish I could make him stay small for just a little bit longer.  We throwing him a ninja turtle themed party and invited his friends and cousins to celebrate the day with him. I am not sure who is more excited us or him.

 Hes a regular chatter box now and unfortunately kids don’t come with word filters. He feels nothing to boldy announce two men walking together as “two daddies” or comment on the cleanliness of a table at a restuarant. Hes a sponge too and we need to continuously watch what we say.. Over the weekend while playing in the pool pretending that the waves he created were trying to catch him, he suddenly blurted out “get away from me you f***ing water” and yes we laughed, we laughed hard, hey we are human beings after all and hearing a child cuss is funny. Unfortunately he was well aware of us laughing our heads off so we had to explain to him that it is a bad word and he must not use it ever again or he will be in trouble, so hopefully we will not be hearing him cuss again.  

The naughty stage is in effect and we have had to clear his room from all toys as a punishment about 3 times so far (not that it bothers him at all because he will play with a hanger if he has to). We have yet to experience full on tantrums in shopping centres.  Good cop/bad cop works like a bomb, but is a shite job for the “bad cop” at the time.

 It was his first concert recently and man was I proud if you are a parent, you will know that particular brand of proudness well. The proudness that almost breaks your heart for some reason where you are so overcome with emotion your eyes tear up just a bit. He was dressed as Elvis in white bell bottoms and a guitar along with his classmates and boy did he rock on stage to Elvis “teddy bear”. 

 Things have been going really well, I am still telling him the story of how he came home and he still gets excited every time. We don’t get strange looks anymore, well actually I might be lying, if we do get strange looks, then we don’t actually notice.  People in general are actually pretty accepting and open to families like ours.

 I often get the impression people do not understand why I choose to never get pregnant and give birth to biological children, I see the confusion in their eyes when It comes up. Like, why wouldn’t I want to carry and give birth to a child who looks like me and my husband. Truth is, I see my husband and myself in my son everyday, the way he acts, his sense of humour, his mannerisms are all us.  Adoption easy to accept when a person cannot have children but it seems when it’s a choice a lot of people cant get their heads around it and I don’t mean that in a bad way.  If I hadn’t adopted Id probably also be curious.

The moment I held him in my arms, this innocent baby just needing love my natural instinct to want to carry a baby in my belly disappeared. My whole way of thinking changed when I adopted H.  The reason why is simple…I have experienced what it feels like to hold a child who another woman gave birth to and love it more than life itself.  There is something magical about being mommy to a child I never gave birth to.  We are a family joined purely by love and thats the way we like it.

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Adoption story time

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Hello all you wonderful people. I hope everyone is well and having a fabulous 2014 so far.  Our family is doing well and we having a pretty good year so far. Little H is growing into a wonderful little boy with a smile that can brighten up a room. He is potty training at the moment so that’s been fun…Family outings have become way more interesting and also a great cardio workout at times when running through the mall with him in my arms to the nearest bathroom repeating “hold it in hold it in” .

We started bringing in the word adoption a few months back, just throwing it in here and there and it has been fun, we have managed to successfully associate the word with happy feelings by acting silly and dancing and just acting completely bat crap crazy after using the word.  We have started telling him the story of how he came home more recently.  The story we tell him is that he was swimming in another aunties stomache and when he came out mommy and daddy came to fetch him and then adopted him *insert happy cheers of pure bat crap craziness*.

He finds it completely amusing that he was actually swimming in somebodys stomache.  The other day when we told him this story said the word adopted with a huge smile on his face…a proud moment for us.

People have been asking me when we are going to have another baby. It is no secret I would love to adopt another baby. I would adopt another 3 if I could. We recently discussed adopting a brother for H but after a lengthy discussion, decided against it for now. I am not sure if well ever adopt or have another child as we have developed such a great bond between our family of 3. Our family works perfectly the way it is and adding to the dynamic is a risk we are not sure we are ready to take just yet.

We also have to be cautious about making this decision especially in this economy, our son will have to make do with 50% less of everything he is currently getting after having to share with a brother. We would need to think about education and if we can afford 2 kids to go to a good college one day. Would we be able to buy 2 kids cars when they reach driving age. Would we be able to nurture 2 kids different interests while growing up be it music, dance, karate (these lessons are pricey)

We would like H to have the opportunities we never had when we were young and to have the tools to become whatever he wants to because that’s what he deserves in life. At the moment, we have the ability to give him these tools so another child is not on the cards for us at this point 🙂

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Its a happy new year

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Happy 2014 everybody!

I trust that everybody had a great festive season.  Ours was a weird one with both my husband and myself having seriously sore ear/throat infections, yet we sucked it up to give little H an awesome December holidays.

So pushing through our pain we got to go on some nice outings.  We went to the aquarium and scratch patch in the waterfront, took a ride on the blue train in seapoint, went to kraal bay near Langebaan, saw our first giraffe at the giraffe house and watched our son go on rides at grand west. He even got to see 2 movies on what he calls the big tv.

Christmas was a special one with Ouma and Oupa and of course the bestie miss K.  The two of them swam and played their hearts out while we had a braai on the go, it was a good christmas and just a good December in general – sick and all.

Another year to be thankful every single day for our family. H, mom and dad love you more than we can possibly express and you rock little guy!

So heres to an awesome year ahead, looking forward to what life has in store for 2014 maybe a brother for H? Who knows 😉

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That time of the year ;)

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Hello everybody. We celebrated our little mans second birthday over the weekend! It really does feel like yesterday when he was just a 4 month old toothless baby. Now hes this little boy running around and making us laugh. We kept it low key for this one. A school party with cake and sweets followed by spur with close family and some fun at Snow world at the mall with his bestie Miss K.

I havent mentioned Miss K have I. Miss K was 1 and a half years old and living on the streets with her mother who was addicted to drugs when my parents took her in. She has been part of the family ever since, she’s 3 years old now. She’s going to be the main person in his life who can actually relate to being adopted and I’m so happy they have each other.

H is growing so quickly and his interests are quickly changing from winnie the pooh to batman/spiderman. He chooses what he wants to wear and has big opinions of what he wants these days. It’s amazing watching him grow into himself and see who he’s becoming. What I see so far is a fun-loving guy with a soft heart, I can also see that he will not be walked over. It makes my heart so happy when I see how much support and acceptance there is around us so on the rare occasion where we are met with negativity, the support crushes it to pieces.

Kids have started to ask about why our skin colour is different and to be honest when I get those questions I freeze up, my tongue will not work and it feels like I can’t speak english. It’s difficult because it’s a sensitive discussion, whatever you tell this child asking these questions is going to shape their attitude towards adopted kids, that’s a lot of pressure but I think we handling it ok for now with our answers. We find its best to keep it short and sweet and move on from it. We actually spoke briefly about it and we cannot wait until H is bigger and comfortable with the idea of coming up with a silly response to tell kids when they ask as I can only imagine he’s going to get sick of answering that question aswell.

In the spirit of losing a great man on Friday Id like to add a RIP Nelson Mandela. It’s because of you we are able to have our beautiful son in our lives. It’s because of you we get to spend the rest of our lives with him. We literally owe you everything. You rest in peace you amazing man.

So ill be off to another week of running from a zombie, fighting batman and spiderman, being bitten by friendly looking dogs, saving my son from monsters as they chase him through the house . Have a great end of the year everybody and be safe.