That time of the year ;)

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Hello everybody. We celebrated our little mans second birthday over the weekend! It really does feel like yesterday when he was just a 4 month old toothless baby. Now hes this little boy running around and making us laugh. We kept it low key for this one. A school party with cake and sweets followed by spur with close family and some fun at Snow world at the mall with his bestie Miss K.

I havent mentioned Miss K have I. Miss K was 1 and a half years old and living on the streets with her mother who was addicted to drugs when my parents took her in. She has been part of the family ever since, she’s 3 years old now. She’s going to be the main person in his life who can actually relate to being adopted and I’m so happy they have each other.

H is growing so quickly and his interests are quickly changing from winnie the pooh to batman/spiderman. He chooses what he wants to wear and has big opinions of what he wants these days. It’s amazing watching him grow into himself and see who he’s becoming. What I see so far is a fun-loving guy with a soft heart, I can also see that he will not be walked over. It makes my heart so happy when I see how much support and acceptance there is around us so on the rare occasion where we are met with negativity, the support crushes it to pieces.

Kids have started to ask about why our skin colour is different and to be honest when I get those questions I freeze up, my tongue will not work and it feels like I can’t speak english. It’s difficult because it’s a sensitive discussion, whatever you tell this child asking these questions is going to shape their attitude towards adopted kids, that’s a lot of pressure but I think we handling it ok for now with our answers. We find its best to keep it short and sweet and move on from it. We actually spoke briefly about it and we cannot wait until H is bigger and comfortable with the idea of coming up with a silly response to tell kids when they ask as I can only imagine he’s going to get sick of answering that question aswell.

In the spirit of losing a great man on Friday Id like to add a RIP Nelson Mandela. It’s because of you we are able to have our beautiful son in our lives. It’s because of you we get to spend the rest of our lives with him. We literally owe you everything. You rest in peace you amazing man.

So ill be off to another week of running from a zombie, fighting batman and spiderman, being bitten by friendly looking dogs, saving my son from monsters as they chase him through the house . Have a great end of the year everybody and be safe.

 

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His name is our name :)

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Hello everybody

While waiting for the name change our sons name was still legally what it was when he was born. Meaning his school records, medical aid and even our will all had to stating his birth name. 9 months after we applied for his new birth certificate, we finally received it What an awesome thing to see my name on this piece of paper under my sons official name as birth mother.

I still remember pulling his name from a hat full of potential names one lazy Saturday afternoon in 2012. The name Hayden is a name I have wanted for my son since I was 12 years old so when it won the lucky draw 3 times in a row I was over the moon.

Our family is doing well, Hayden of course runs the show at home and has his grandparents wrapped around his chubby little finger, as a matter of fact he has most people wrapped around that little finger. He’s a charmer alright and has a smile that will melt your heart in seconds. Tantrums have started and I am hoping it’s as bad as it gets even though im not so sure about that. Hayden’s tantrums arent of the kicking and screaming variety. No, Hayden’s tantrums are more creepy than stressful. He will simply drop whatever he has in his hands and reverse until the wall stops him and hell sit right there while making eye contact the entire time to show that he is not impressed. The word no sets him off pretty quickly as well as making him say please before giving him something he wants… manners are a work in progress at the moment.

I am still amazed at how similar he is to us and there is no doubt in my mind that he was born especially to be our son. I mean the events that took place to
enable us to adopt him are undeniable. Kfm, Highveld sterio and the company I work for unknowingly played a part in helping us bring our baby home, thanx guys.

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02.04.2012

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The day our lives changed. The day we became a family. The day my son came home.

 

Its been a year that Haydens been home and time has flown, gone is the little baby who could not keep his head up. Gone is the baby who needed me for everything. Today we are parents to a toddler. A toddler who wants to explore, who doesn’t always want to cuddle when I do (my heart breaks just a little when he pushes me away to go exploring). Hes confident and has such an awesome personality.

 

Who would of thought, the old people were right for all those years…time goes by so fast. I can barely remember how tiny he was when we fetched him. I do remember the butterflies and excitement I felt, you know, that feeling like all the blood is rushing to your head. I remember how I instantly fell in love, we both did on that day. It’s a day well celebrate for the rest of our lives 2nd of April is family day, our little public holiday.

 

Iv heard a few stories about trance-racial adoption lately and it seems a lot of people are still apprehensive about it. I have heard of people on waiting lists for 2 years waiting for a white baby when there are hundreds of black babies needing to be loved. I know that the general mind set is that they would like the baby to fit into their family and not feel different. My opinion is, if you raise your child to be comfortable in his own skin and if you make them feel confident in their home, they will be able to take on the world. 

 

We almost decided on not adopting an African baby due to other peoples opinions. We were told that there might be a negative impact on the childs life, being a different colour to us and not having somebody to identify with when the questions start. We were told that later in life he might be rejected by traditional Xhosa people because he was raised in an English white home and is out of touch with his roots. Also we knew we could not do his Xhosa heritage justice, me and my husband don’t even keep up with our own heritages.  It was a tough decision to make and we figured who are we to potentially be the cause of a childs identity crisis one day.

 

The decision didn’t feel right so we never excluded African babies and look at what a blessing we have at home today.  The truth is, he is our child, our traditions are his traditions, We will make sure he knows he is a Xhosa boy and we will make sure he learns his Xhosa language, but other than that we will raise him the way we would a child I gave birth to, why would I want to raise him any differently. When he is older and he has questions about his heritage we can explore and learn together as a family.

 

I know that it might not always be easy. In life there will be that 1 person who is blunt and rude without thinking and that my son could be a target considering he is a brown boy being raised by white parents, but at least he will know for sure that he wasn’t an accident, we didn’t want him to look like us, we chose him purely to love him and he will always know that he can come home to old mom and dad to have a good laugh about the ignorance of people after which I will ask for details and break those peoples legs. JOKING.

 

Everyone has their secret to parenting, ours is a humour, you have to have a sense of humour in life to get by and I pray that my kid will take that from us and carry it through his whole life. Hopefully one day Hayden will look back and be proud of his white and black roots because he has them both now, he will hopefully be proud that he was raised in a family where nobody is related by blood but love each other more than anything in this world.

 

on our way home

on our way home

On our way home

On our way home

 

The joys

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Happy 2013 to everybody

 

2012 has been a most awesome year and I’m hoping 2013 can live up to it. 2012 saw us bring home Hayden and we have watched him grow into a healthy happy 1-year-old. Our child is clever, yes I know everyone thinks this but seriously I mean it,  our baby is really clever 😉

 

He follows instructions now, claps hands blows kisses, hands out kisses, stands, communicates too and says a few words – genius in my eyes 😉 His newest “party trick” is climbing off couches and beds all by himself, He can now go anywhere he wants in the house by himself (which means no rest for mom and dad), yep it seems the toddler stage has arrived and none of our breakables are safe anymore. His personality is out in full force, seems our son is  a joker who loves laughing for no reason  and making us laugh, he loves animals just like his mom and dad and no matter what he’s doing, when music is playing he will dance.

 

Christmas went down well, even though he wasn’t quite into opening presents, I had fun ripping open his gifts. He really is a lucky boy, lucky because his birthday and Christmas are in the same month, in less than a month,  his room looks like a toy shop, and we don’t really want to pack anything away in his cupboards,  just feels wrong to do that.

 

Hayden has been home for 9 months now and it feels like he has been with us his entire life.  Sometimes its still gives me butterflies in my stomache  to think hes all mine and when he sais momma my heart melts every single time.

 

No visits or calls from social workers, no follow ups. Putting it simply, they don’t bother us at all regarding our child. Its pretty awesome because this was another fear of mine in the beginning, that social workers would be in our lives forever following up and checking in. 

Happy 1st birthday

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Friday was the light of our lives 1st birthday.We are now the parents of a 1 year old boy. He has come a long way from being without parents for the first 4 months of his life to the happy outgoing boy he is today and we are bursting with pride. I know I have mentioned this before but its crazy how he fits with us, his personality matches our perfectly. He laughs all the time and even tries to make us laugh with him, If you had to see him you would know he is our child by the way he acts.

 

We are so grateful all our family and friends joined us to celebrate this milestone with us and once again proves how important a good support system is, seeing how your family and friends have accepted him and love him 100% just added to our joy. His room looks like a toy store with all his toys and I can glady report that my angel was spoilt to the max for his birthday.

 

Our initial plan was to have a quiet evening with the grandparents coming over for cake because we figured he wouldn’t remember it at all either way. We changed our mind and Im so glad we did, its important for him to not only be loved, its important he feel loved by everyone in his family and boy did he feel the love, I think I held him a whole 2 times in 3 hours, needless to say, he was in high demand that day.

 

The only glitch of the day was the cake, If I say mickey mouse you immediately get the picture of mickey mouse in your mind. Black mouse with a big red shorts and yellow shoes. The cake was of a mouse with long red pants and a yellow top and bowtie, we call him Mike mouse. Thank goodness the cake was delicious .

 

Even though initially we were against spending too much money on an event he wouldn’t really be aware of or remember, seeing how loved and spoilt he was, is worth all the money in the world. 1st birthday parties are definitely a must.

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Ignorance is not bliss

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Since our little guy has been home, we have had many people coo over him and give him attention in the shops, so used to people asking how old he is and how long we have had him etc and I don’t mind when they ask because they are curious and Hayden loves people, I’m actually quite happy that he is getting to see how friendly different people are as it can only help with his confidence in the long run. However that being said,I have never experienced what I experienced at the shop near my house.

 

Standing in the line with 2 rolls in one hand and my son on the other, a blonde woman behind me engages me in conversation with a blunt….”hes obviously not yours” taken aback, I answered with yes he is mine and again Mrs Blunt said “yes but not biologically, did you adopt him” In my shock to this complete and utter strangers question, I answer her with yes. Thinking it was over she opened her mouth again with “I suppose you get a lot of stares” and her next question was “cant you have any of your own or what was the reason you adopted” Every bone in my body was aching to unleash my Scorpio temper and give her a piece of my mind but I kept my cool and smiled politely as if I wasn’t offended, after all why should I let my child see me get worked up.

 

It really felt like I was in that line for 20 minutes even though there was only 1 person in front of me.. She then went into how sick it is that someone could throw somebody so beautiful away.. *breathe in breathe out is what I was repeating in my head.*

 

In all honesty that was the first experience in the 6 awesome months that a stranger has been so blunt and up in my face about our choice and it actually stung. That proved to me that some people are still very naïve about adoption. Thinking back on it I wish I had said He wasn’t thrown away, he was given away with the biggest act of love and sacrifice I can imagine possible so that he could have a better life. I wish I had said don’t pitty my son because he was given up for adoption, he’s one of the happiest babies I have ever met and he has no shortage of love in his life..

 

What I should have said to this woman is to mind her own business.

Name change time :)

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When we got home yesterday, there was a surprise document for us in our mailbox saying:

 

“according to provisions in section 242 of the children’s act your adopted child is now for all purposes regarded as your child as if born to you and you are now for all purposes regarded as the adopted childs parents therefore you are personally responsible to register the child under his/her new name and surname at the department of home affairs”

This is the documentation we were waiting for. He is already legally our son but we could not change his name until this letter came. This means he will be issued a new birth certificate with our names on it as well as his new name. Another happy moment for our little family I know it’s just a piece of paper but it’s the piece of paper that makes everything real. Seeing that new birth certificate is going to be one of the happiest days of my life. 

 

Unfortunately we have to go and apply at home affairs which I am definitely not looking forward to doing. I once stood in a long q for a new ID only to discover you cannot use the pens on their desk to fill in your form nor do they supply pens. Had to leave and buy a pen to stand at the back of the q again.

 

I  still 100% behind the adoption cause. It’s so important for people to open their minds and hearts to the kids given up. Like I always say this has been an incredible journey and showed me how a person always underestimate themselves. Before I came on board with the decision to adopt, I didn’t think I could love another womans child as my own. Now look at me im totally in love.

 

Somebody asked me the other day am I going to let him meet his birth mom. This is a question easily answered as it’s not my choice and if he wants to we will support and help him 100% . I have been thinking about her lately and I wonder how she feels and if there are any regrets or anything. As happy and grateful as I am for my son, I do feel sad for her . But ok, this is a happy blog.

 

I’m hoping one day hell read this blog and see our journey into bringing him home. We love you Hayden and I hope this blog shows you how special you are to us.

Growing fast

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8 months ago something awesome happened, a little boy was born to a woman who loved him enough to know she could not provide for him. 8 months ago this woman made the decision to NOT dump him in a bin or field or gutter but to give him up for adoption. This woman knew she had a choice and she knew he could have a chance. After carrying him for 9 months and looking after him in her belly, she gave birth 8 months ago today knowing he would never be hers to keep. She brought our beautiful angel into this world and today I feel totally and utterly grateful for her to have given us such a gift, it could not have been an easy choice.

 

During his adjustment phase with us he would not want to be held by other people for too long, he used to cry to come back to us after a few minutes, 4 months later, he will go to anyone, smile at anyone and even give them a laugh. His confidence is soaring and I’m loving it. We can see him growing into a very mischievous little boy who is going to bring us lots of laughs and jokes. He’s said both mamma and dadda in July and we are waiting for those teeth to come out even though we are fully aware that he is going to chew on us and whatever else he gets his hands on.

 

He’s been a little bit sick lately with flu and if there’s a negative aspect of being a parent, its them being sick, watching your baby be so sick and not really knowing how to help him is the worst, I would take his place any day so that he can feel better.

 

Iv become a multitasking queen and feel nothing for catching vomit in my hand in the blink of an eye. Vomit, snollies, wee have all just become another form of water to me.

 

Have I mentioned how awesome our kid is, we love him more than words can actually express and can confidently say parenthood is awesome

As if he were born from us

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Today we got the call that the legal work is done and we have moved from legal guardians to legal parents of Hayden. The document is proof that he’s 100 percent ours as if he were born from us. Needless to say, its a very happy day for our little family.

 

He is so loved and is growing really fast. He is the most beautiful child I have ever laid eyes on (I’m sure all parents feel that way) last night he said dadda, I know he doesn’t know what he said but wow, that feeling was amazing (even though a “mamma” would of been nice).

 

Once again, I feel the need to say thank you to everyone for their support its been an amazing experience!